drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
