i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
