I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
