you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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