She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
