she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
