This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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