your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I think i got beer on your cat.
I did not marry a roomba.
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