oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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