My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
