We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
