her vagine was all disorganized.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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