So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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