shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my shit smells like andre
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
