my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
