I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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