i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
