The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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