We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
