and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
