There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
