you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
