I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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