Cold hands, warm shart.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
