i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
