I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
