ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
