he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
