hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
