Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
