I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He better not be in your backpack
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
