stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
