He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
