Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think your dad took our porno
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
