dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
