I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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