Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
