I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
