girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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