i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
