I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
