And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
