Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
