i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
