You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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