Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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