Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
