Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Pappa wants mamma naked
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
