Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
