Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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