you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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