just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
