..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
