i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
