do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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