Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
